


Hastur’s Difficult Year

by heyitsdia0



Series: Quick-writes [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Humor, Original Characters - Freeform, Post-Canon, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsdia0/pseuds/heyitsdia0
Summary: Fern Dunaway didn’t know much about Hastur, other then he hung around the offices and dressed oddly.She continued to write rapidly, asking him questions as they got to know each other. “So, can you describe what it’s been like for you, these past few weeks?”He nodded. “Yes. My boss, Beelzebub, the Lord of Hell, you see, told me that this would be a good idea-”“The Lord of….excuse me?” Fern looked up in surprise. She hadn’t heard him right, had she?-Losing your best (ahem) work partner can be difficult.So is going to therapy.
Series: Quick-writes [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693534
Kudos: 6





	Hastur’s Difficult Year

“So...Mr. La Vista? That’s...an unusual name.” 

“Yes, that’s right. L-A V-I-S-T-A, as in the common human phrase.”

Miss. Dunaway smiled and nodded. 

Mr. Hastur La Vista was a new patient. He was a special case, and had been referred to her after his original therapist, Dr. Fleming quit quite unexpectedly. No one knew why, but she was determined to help his last case. 

Fern Dunaway didn’t know much about Hastur, other then he hung around the offices and dressed oddly. 

She continued to write rapidly, asking him questions as they got to know each other. “So, can you describe what it’s been like for you, these past few weeks?”

He nodded. “Yes. My boss, Beelzebub, the Lord of Hell, you see, told me that this would be a good idea.”

“The Lord of….excuse me?” Fern looked up in surprise. She hadn’t heard him right, had she?

Hastur continued to nod, but ignored her question. “Anyways, work has been very stressful lately, especially after Armageddon was delayed by that _bastard_ Crowley.”

“You mentioned Armageddon, is that a convention of some sort? A video game, maybe?”

“You could put it like that,” Mr. Hastur said, grinning ear to ear. “And I was so terribly excited - we were going to win and I was ready to settle down. Continue my work in one area.” 

“I see,” she murmured, still writing. “Could you tell me about what happened?”

“Oh, of course. Well, we had been preparing for Armageddon for some time, and my good friend Ligur and I had sent out the hellhound.”

Fern stopped writing. “Hellhound? Would you be willing to explain that, please?”

“Mhm. It was meant to go find its master, and it did….but we were following the wrong one.”

“Ah, so the master and the dog is a metaphor for you taking the wrong path?”

Hastur stared at her for a minute. “Sure, that works as well.”

“You mentioned to Dr. Fleming that losing your friend was like falling all over again. Would you be willing to elaborate on that?”

He sucked in a breath and nodded. He was shaking very heavily. 

“It’s alright, Mr. La Vista. Let it all out.”

“It’s that snake's fault...I swear, I’m gonna strangle him.”

Fern frowned. “Surely, you don’t mean that. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just...have you ever lost anyone?” He asked. She smiled weakly and nodded. “Oh yes. Many. I can imagine how painful it was for you. I’m sorry.”

“We were really good work partners,” He sniffed as he accepted a tissue from her. “Many times we would talk about work. And sometimes….” (he blew his nose here) “sometimes we would work and talk at the same time…”

Fern nodded, and kept writing, but groaned when the ink didn’t appear on the paper anymore. “I’m sorry, my pen’s out. Funny, I just got this one a day ago…”

“What a shame,” he sighed and stretched out on the couch. He wasn’t boneless or prim; rather, he just sort of sat on it as though he’d never actually done it before. “I suppose you’ll just have to listen to me, then…”

Fern grit her teeth. “Yes. Well. Do go on, Hastur.”

“Right. Well. Losing poor Ligur had been very difficult for me. I had to go after the bloody snake myself - do you know how hard that was?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think I do. Are you willing to talk about your experiences with Ligur?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. We’d been friends for a while. Longer than any of you humans have been around.”

Fern had to think about that for a second. _What a weird way to phrase that…_ “For how long, would you say?”

“Oh, I dunno. A good 6,000.”

“Uh...6,000 days?”

“Uh-huh,” Hastur muttered, inspecting his hands, obviously uninterested. “We did everything together. Did you know he helped me kill St. Alban, for Satan’s sake?”

_Satan’s sake?_ “Is that for Armageddon? The video game you mentioned?”

“Yes. It was very much a….video game. We had grown very close by that point, but we were really just work partners, nothing more.”

“Do you think he was your best friend?”

Hastur thought about that for a long time before responding. “Yes. I do not have….friends, as they say, but if I had to pick one, he would definitely be the most bestest.”

“And...who was it, did you say, that had a hand in this? Crawley, was it?”

“ _Crowley_ ,” Hastur stuck out his tongue, as if the word was disgusting to even think of. “I hate him.”

“It’s understandable,” she offered, and allowed him a few moments before asking anything else. “Had you known Crowley before the incident happened?”

“Oh yes. As long as I’d known Ligur,” he said, his face very serious now. “But I would never consider us _friends_.” 

“I see. Did you work with Crowley as well?”

“Well...not often.”

“I see.”

“Really, I didn’t see him that often. Maybe every few check-ins from head office. Sometimes he would send me a memo. He did good work.”

“Do you feel comfortable talking about him?”

Hastur sighed. “I suppose so.”

“Alright.”

“Nothing really alarmed me about him until we’d gotten word that he’d gone out with his angel boy-toy.”

At this, Fern coughed and had to excuse herself so she could laugh without him noticing. Once she had returned, Hastur was lying on the ground.

“Oh, I’m sorry - are you comfortable there?”

“Very much so, yes. My natural form is a frog, so I feel very much at peace here.”

“Uh...are you talking about the video game again? Or maybe it’s a spirit animal?” 

Hastur did not look at her. “Whatever you humans call it.”

She decided to ignore that and went on. 

“Right, right. We have about five minutes left in our session, would you like to add anything before we go?”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and then slowly, he lifted himself off the floor. He raised himself higher until he was floating, as if he avoided the laws of gravity, as if they hadn’t even existed in the first place. 

Fern opened her mouth to scream, to yell, to do anything, but no sound came out. Voiceless, she ran to the door. 

It was locked. 

“Thank you for your time, Miss. Dunaway,” He howled, and continued to float higher until he was well above ground. “But I do have to be going. I am a demon, after all.”

She gasped noiselessly, and turned, trying for the door again. When she flipped herself around, he wasn’t there. 

“H-hello?” She whispered. No one responded. Instead of pulling the door handle for a third time, she rushed to her desk for her cellphone. 

When she jerked the top drawer open, she screamed, collapsing onto the floor. 

When the receptionist hurried into the room, alarmed by the noises, she could hear her breath hitch. Another therapist followed, but stopped at the doorway.

“What is it?” 

The receptionist turned, a confused look on her face. “Frogs….just a bunch of frogs, sir.”

It just wasn’t a good year to be a demon. 

  
  
  


Fin 

**Author's Note:**

> 7/22  
> I had the day off today and I decided to go back and edit this story. Hope you enjoy! If you’re waiting on When In Rome - thank you for your patience! Updates will be coming soon.


End file.
